The Inferno



The Inferno :: It is a fallacy to state that something exists just because it can’t be proven that it doesn’t
Archive for March, 2009
3/29/09
9:16 pm
Brutal Assault

I witnessed a brutal assault in my parking lot last Friday. I was pulling out of my underground parking when I noticed an illegally parked black car on the fringe of the parking lot. A young man and a young woman, presumably his girlfriend were standing in front of it and talking.

As I turned towards them, things got worse. The guy punched the girl in the head and then smashed a beer bottle on her head. The girl staggered and retrieved a sixpack of beer that was lying on the ground beside them and clouted the guy in the head with it. By now, I’d braked to a full halt and was pointing the scene out to my girlfriend.

Things got worse. The girl rushed her beau with the sixpack and he went down on the asphalt. She straddled him on the chest and started working his face over. He responded by striking her in the face and she climbed off. As you can imagine, I was on the phone with 911, answering the lugubrious operator’s queries: “Yes, police, dammit!” , “Yes, it’s an emergency.”. Finally, saying “There’s a brutal assault in progress here, two people are attacking each other in the open, fully in front of everyone else” had the desired effect and she said someone would be right over. I gave them a general description of the assailants, the car’s licence plate number and they hung up.

The girl, bleeding by now, got into the black car and drove off. She narrowly missed me and drove off like a maniac. The guy staggered into one of the warren-like entrances to my complex and disappeared. Since there was nothing else to do or see, I drove off. A short while later, as I was driving off, I counted four police cars heading in the general direction I was driving away from.

I was back in half an hour and noticed a slew of cars, the aforementioned ones parked around. I pulled up to one and asked if they were here for the assault. The constable asked if I’d been the one who had phoned it in and I replied in the affirmative. She thanked me and said that they had the licence plate and would handle it, it’s really all they needed. My civic duty done, I drove home.

What a night.

3/22/09
6:58 pm
Betrayed by Google

You can see it on their faces now. Wizened eyes, teeth browned from too much caffeine as one of their misshapen hunchbacked members rasps, “Come quick, Jebediah, we done and got ourselves on the webternet now”.

Then they see their precious 5 seconds of fame.

Their beady eyes draw back into their orbital sockets as they contemplate the horror of what they have just seen. Racked with agony, yet teeming with those delicious thoughts of “Mmm the model is so scrumptious-looking”, they end their torment in the only way they can, by ripping each other’s clothes off and engaging in fast, furious acts of decades-long repressed man-love.

Haha maybe not. In any case, it’s funny what advertising can do and maybe this may force some of these people to eschew the online world and seek more traditional methods. The only problem with that is it’s just too goldarn slow, Jim. How are we supposed to keep pace with the folk who need to be saved while Satan and his fancy fagboys harness the devilish speed of technology??

3/04/09
1:15 am
Overzealous what?

I remember reading a science fiction story a long time ago, about a scientist who was sent as the first man to a distant world, where the people were peaceful and knew nothing of wars, of killing, of greed and of religion. The scientist was a geologist of some kind and taught the primitive but happy people much of what had created their world and so on. One day this idyllic outpost was shattered by the arrival of a man of the cloth, who insisted that it was his sworn duty to teach these heathen primitives the teachings of one dead Jewish carpenter who had lived on Terra aeons ago. The geologist exploded, but the missionary warned him that there was nothing he could do.

So the geologist sulked and went about his work. One day, some of the natives came up to him and asked him what god was and why he hadn’t taught them about him. The geologist sneered at the idea of God and told them it was all bosh. The natives were puzzled and unable to decide which member of the more advanced race was speaking the truth, retired to give the matter some thought. In a week, they met the geologist and told him they had come up with a test that would decide the matter for once and for all. The geologist divined (no pun intended) in a second what they were up to and ran to the missionary and begged him to leave. The missionary refused and was crucified by the natives, who then buried him. After all, if one dead guy can return after 3 days, another one should be able to, right? Sterling logic, but unfortunately for the missionary, things didn’t end so well.

Anyway, the whole point of this preamble is an article I saw a couple of days ago about a missionary who went to an Amazonian tribe and tried to teach them about Christ. Forget for a moment the colossal arrogance of him and the institution that sponsored this, this shameless “you need saving” bilge that smacks of every detestable -ism there is. The tribe asked him succinct questions, trenchant queries that cut to the core of the ridiculous sham that is organized religion. Lo and behold! One less Bible-thumper and one more atheist. Apparently, their queries were of a critical nature that we only wish everyone else around here had.

Here are some excerpts:

Tribe members asked the missionary whether he had seen or experienced any of the things he was telling them about. He had to admit that he hadn’t; that he was simply passing things onto them that were told to him by people who hadn’t seen or experienced them either.

This is priceless and covers 99.99% of all religious people today. The remaining 0.01% who see visions and talk in tongues are usually in mental asylums or on Fox News.

Here is a little bit of what Daniel Everett himself had to say about the Pirahãs:

The Pirahãs have shown me that there is dignity and deep satisfaction in facing life and death without the comforts of heaven or the fear of hell, and of sailing towards the great abyss with a smile.

And they have shown me that for years I held many of my beliefs without warrant. I have learned these things from the Pirahãs, and I will be grateful to them for as long as I live.

You mean people can be happy without an alpha male in the sky? You don’t say!

And of course, I can’t forget Terry Pratchett’s classic mockery of faith:

On the veldt of Howondaland live the N’tuitif people, the only tribe in the world to have no imagination whatsoever. For example, their story about the thunder runs something like this: ‘Thunder is a loud noise in the sky, resulting from the disturbance of the air masses by the passage of lightning.’

And their legend ‘How the Giraffe Got His Long Neck’ runs: ‘In the old days the ancestors of Old Man Giraffe had slightly longer necks than other grassland creatures, and the access to the high leaves was so advantageous that it was mostly long-necked giraffes that survived, passing on the long neck in their blood just as a man might inherit his grandfather’s spear. Some say, however, that it is all a lot more complicated and this explanation only applies to the shorter neck of the okapi. And so it is’.

The N’tuitif are a peaceful people, and have been hunted almost to extinction by neighbouring tribes, who have lots of imagination, and therefore plenty of gods, superstitions and ideas about how much better life would be if they had a bigger hunting ground.

Of the events on the moon that day, the N’tuitif said: ‘The moon was brightly lit and from it rose another light which then split into three lights and faded. We do not know why this happened. It was just a thing.’

They were then wiped out by a nearby tribe who knew that the lights had been a signal from the god Ukli to expand the hunting ground a bit more. However, they were soon defeated entirely by a tribe who knew that the lights were their ancestors, who lived in the moon, and who were urging them to kill all non-believers in the goddess Glipzo. Three years later they in turn were killed by a rock falling from the sky as a result of a star exploding a billion years ago.

My source is here.

P.S. If anyone knows the name of the sci-fi story, I’d be much obliged if you could leave a comment stating the name and the author.