On Nov 3rd, I received a call from someone at the Royal Bank, Shauna Stewart from the Proctor Department in Mississauga, Ontario, to be precise. She called me to ask about a new credit line that they were offering their long-time customers (anyone else smell the acrid fumes of irony yet?) and after I declined that service, she asked if there was anything else she could do. After a derisive snort, I asked her where the Ombudsman was, and why no one had replied to me yet. She told me she had no idea what I was talking about, and I agreed, she being just another cog in the faceless corporation called Royal Bank that grinds away at souls daily.
Instead of launching into my epic saga all over again, I just told her to get someone to get back to me and she said she would.
The next day, Doris Mandy (the lady from the Aug 12 update) called me and said someone would get back to me, the delay was unfortunate since they’d been backlogged with cases. After listening to her spout some more slave lines, I asked her if by “soon”, she meant “decades” and she insisted that wasn’t the case.
Yesterday, Nov 6th, I finally got a call from the Ombudsman. Here is what ensued:
Male Voice: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Kumar?
Me: Yep, speaking.
Male Voice: Hello, this is Leslie Ince-Mercer from the Office of the Ombudsman at Royal Bank, we’d like to talk to you regarding your complaint, if you have the time right now.
Me: By all means, go ahead.
Leslie: We’ve reviewed your case and as such, we can’t find any evidence to back up the claim that the money was deposited. At this point, I feel obliged to mention that the branch manager at the branch where the incident occurred still has the previous offer of $200 on the table.
Me: Well, so this whole thing was a farce, an exercise in futility then. If I’d wanted to accept that offer, I could have done so in August and saved us all this trouble.
Leslie: It depends on how you define satisfactorily solved, if you’d be willing to consider his offer, you can definitely get in touch with him, his name is Tyler Vanhorn and he’d be willing to discuss this with you.
Me: I’m sorry, I just don’t see the point in this. I knew this was a charade all along. I was told it would be no good to even get in touch with you, mockingly by your own staff, which implies that they knew all along that the outcome would be in their favour. So why do you even pretend that this entire thing was worth something? I define satisfactorily solved as getting all my money back, that’s all.
Leslie: We’re not saying your story is false, your credibility is beyond doubt.
Me: (cuts him off) Yes, but that’s exactly it. You’re doing just that with your corporate double talk. If I’m not a liar, then you have my money. The mere fact that I don’t have my money means you think I’m a liar and my credibility is suspect.
Leslie: You see
Me: (cuts him off again) You see, I just don’t get it. It’s only 400 dollars. It’s not a big deal to you. If my story wasn’t legitimate, why would I be so persistent? Did you ever consider that? Why would I be pursuing it so persistently? Think about it. Also, you told me that you couldn’t give me the 400 dollars because it comes out of the branch’s coffers. Well, that’s too bad. You, and the corporation you represent tell me there are cameras but then say they’re no use in situations like this. Why isn’t there a sign beside the ATMs stating that there’s a possibility that your money won’t ever reach your account? You’re just making me very angry and frustrated right now.
Leslie: Our job is to examine the evidence, we’re sort of like a third party in that we just see what’s there and then suggest solutions. At this point, I would like to leave you with the 200 dollar offer component of our solution.
Me: So, essentially after all this drama, I’m back at square one! I’ve gained nothing, we’ve come full circle and there’s that offer again, which is not even a real offer, it’s only half of what I deposited.
Me: And there’s another thing. The matter has been under arbitration since June 26. Why am I being charged interest on my Visa for your tardiness? It took you so long to get back to me, and I’m keeping the account alive with minimum payments, that’s really not my job. I’d like to see you settle that as well.
Leslie: I see, well that’s a new component. At this point, I’d like to leave you with the 200 dollar offer and Tyler Vanhorn’s contact information. This is about as much as we can do. It’s really your responsibility to keep the account alive with minimum payments or whatever it is you need to do.
Me: Alright, Leslie, I guess that’s the end of that.
Leslie: Is there anything else I can do, Viren?
Me: No.
And it ended there. So after all this, I just get handed another priceless piece of RBC chicanery. I have to go in and talk to this Tyler fellow now, and something tells me he’s gonna be a real hardcase. Well, we shall see. Hope springs eternal. If all else fails, the small claims court. Ah Lady Justice, you are a real siren indeed, ever beckoning.
Until then, Royal Bank shall continue to feed yours truly more lies than all the world religions combined!
