The Inferno

I must say that learning about Bush’s decision on August 1, 2005 to promote teaching ‘Intelligent Design’ in American classrooms has prompted yet another wave of revulsion towards Bush. Whether Bush believes in this pseudoscience himself or just a willing lackey of the religious right, as President, he owes it to the American public to not promote the idea of full blown intellectual surrender.

My personal belief is that all religions are extremely artificial. As Bertrand Russell put it

Fear, the Foundation of Religion
Religion is based, I think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing — fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. It is because fear is at the basis of those two things. In this world we can now begin a little to understand things, and a little to master them by help of science, which has forced its way step by step against the Christian religion, against the churches, and against the opposition of all the old precepts. Science can help us to get over this craven fear in which mankind has lived for so many generations. Science can teach us, and I think our own hearts can teach us, no longer to look around for imaginary supports, no longer to invent allies in the sky, but rather to look to our own efforts here below to make this world a better place to live in, instead of the sort of place that the churches in all these centuries have made it.

That being said, I meet the occasional polite person who tells me that one mustn’t denigrate other religions or other people’s beliefs because it’s rude. I disagree with that completely. Humour is a great ally in the fight against ignorance. Everyone should laugh at people who believe that the Earth is flat or that photographic devices steal your soul when your picture is taken. By that same logic, everyone should also laugh at people who believe in people who walk on water, or figures with elephant heads and 2 * 10^6 arms or figures that can hurl thunderbolts from the sky.

Yet these ludicrous beliefs persist. You would think that in the age of the electron, with Voyager now in the heliosheath, roughly 14 billion miles away from where it was launched, we’d have learned something. But foolish, pathetic, little man still clings to his primitive beliefs.

For those of you with a compelling need for a spiritual component in your life, please read the following by JT:

Growing up in the western world under the wing of a privileged, open-minded agnostic family has given me many opportunities to explore what makes life enjoyable. Attaining possessions and wealth, indulging in substances and pleasures of the flesh, climbing social ladders and grasping onto short-lived companionship, wasting days upon days pondering the afterlife and giving consideration to conventional religion with no justification other than fear – these are only a few of the mistakes I’ve made in my years.

Many of you may not see these as mistakes, but as ideals. As products of our environment, anybody is vulnerable to mistakenly searching for light at the end of these infinite tunnels. Whether you chase wealth, pleasure or power, satisfaction will never be yours. Chasing one meaningless high after another, no plateau will follow any achieved momentary contentment.

Of course, one may chase the unknown, living life by a set of arbitrary rules to hopefully move on to a more enjoyable existence beyond death. These followers of popular religion throw reason to the wind, living in a more calm, satisfied manner than their aforementioned counterparts, but by no means are they free. Dependence on ancient scriptures, written by those with intentions unclear to many simple modern minds, can easily lead one astray from common sense and into a world of circular logic and dangerous superiority complexes with a twist of gang mentality.

So, after going through these states of mind and finding nothing of any real value, I had to find out how to enjoy life on a daily basis without chasing this proverbial cheese. What I found were three generalized but fundamental values.

Truth. Imagine living life, day by day, with absolutely nothing to hide from others. You do not lie, ever, without exception. Others, who lie and deceive, find temporary rewards, sweep their mess under the carpet only for it to be found sometime in the future. If never uncovered, the damage is still done, as their reward of temporary safety from mistakes surely entices more lies. This pattern continues until they’re uncovered, at which point it is much too late to weigh the pros and cons of a particular decision to lie. But, to fear being exposed as a liar is not the purpose of continuous truth. The purpose is piece of mind. To wake up every day knowing that you have integrity, not to mention the unquestioned respect of others, takes an enormous weight off of your shoulders. This proud, honest mindset also serves as motivation to improve the person you are in every aspect.

Love. Imagine living life, day by day, without ever disliking anybody. You hate nobody, and nobody hates you. Those who feel hatred may act upon you in a hateful way, but not for reasons under your control. If you have done something to create hatred, hopefully unknowingly, do your best to right the situation; however, do not waste a moment of your life for the emotional shortcomings of others. Understand that this peaceful state of mind you’re in is something they lack and be thankful. Exude acceptance, compassion and happiness, and those around you will sense this and react in a similar fashion.

Independence. Imagine living life, day by day, without feeling pressure. This pressure could be external, such as social pressures or dependencies on others (emotional, financial, etc). Living is complicated, but decisions which lie in your control can never be handed to others. To have your will at the disposal of others will either lead to positive or negative results. If the results are positive, you will depend more on their assistance and become less independent. If the results are negative, then you will likely blame them, although you ultimately made the decision. It’s far better to learn from your own mistakes. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all the decisions you make for yourself are perfect. There may exist internal pressure as well, conflicting ideas causing a dilemma within your mind. This includes unexplainable desires as well as addiction. These are all decisions to be made by you for a greater overall good, although often one will opt for instant gratification. Know that with any decision involving temptation, the wiser of routes is often to make the choice that will benefit you in the long-term. Become independent of your impatient side – living for tomorrow’s desires makes today a better place.

Live your life with a combination of the three – truth, love and independence. Make decisions based on these three values. Most religions will preach some tainted mixture of the three, and I support those who practice these values with supplementary (yet unnecessary) gimmicks. This is the new religion. I call it TLI. Try it for a day, try it for a week, or convert like I did to a life of generally positive experiences.

I found this on a forum I frequent

From craigslist NYC:

CAT SITTER needed for my lousy cat
last modified:Sat Aug 27 00:35:07 2005

CAT SITTER needed for my lousy cat

Going away for two weeks and I must find a sitter for my cat. You would need to take him to your apartment because my house sitters are deathly allergic. A liitle background information for prospective babysitters…

Three years ago a friend asked me if I would adopt an orange kitten that was found at 3 weeks old under a staircase nearly starved to death. Being an animal lover with extensive animal rehab experience I said yes. And so the cat was mine.

I just don’t like my cat. I love my cat and I give him a wonderful happy, safe life, but I don’t like him. You get the idea. When you meet this cat you will wonder why. You will think poorly of me and call me cruel. Because when you meet this cat he will come to you and meow. He will jump on your lap and put his front legs on either side of your neck and hug. Yes. The cat hugs. It’s bizarre, but true. He will follow you around and cuddle and be the perfect cat. He will shock and amaze you at all of the words he understands. You can tell the cat to go lay down and he will. You can tell him to get his cat-toy and he will. He will charm you with his personality and you will want to love him forever.

So what’s the big deal?

He has ass glands that swell and tend to leak out poop scented oil. Yup. Leaky ass glands. The vet says it’s no big deal and there’s not much to do other than “milk” them from time to time. Yeah, that’s fun. Squeezing out cat ass juice is one of the most heinous things I can think of. But it must be done. Otherwise you will find ass-juice spots all over your bed, chairs, window sills, and any freshly cleaned clothes that happen to be around.

The ass-juice also results in ass-juice dingle berries that tend to form on the posterior end of the cat. The AJDB’s must be plucked off with warm paper towels and discarded. The cat does not like this process. You will be scratched numerous times as you attempt to clean a giant thrashing cat butt.

Because he is a rescue and most likely some inbred runt of the litter and missing a few genes, his teeth all fell out at 7 months of age. This means you must make him a special concoction of rice, wet cat food, and egg whites that looks only slightly worse than it smells. Cat will gum this slop up out of his bowl with such intensity that it causes him to then puke it all right back up and ingest it for a second time.

Cat likes attention and is very affectionate. There is a catch. The cat will NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. Not for a second. If you are on the bed, the cat is on the bed. On the couch? Cat’s on the couch. If you go to take a shit, the cat will open the bathroom door(yes he figured out doorknobs) and stare at you on the throne. When you leave it will sit at the door and howl until you return. Neighboors will hate you.

You could pet him, but then you will end up covered in hair. A rare skin condition (three cheers for inbreeding) causes him to shed more than usual. One brush of the fur and you will have a wad of hair in your hand that could easily create 4 orange toupes. Be wary when getting dressed in the morning for one rub on the leg from this feline and you will look as if you are wearing UGGS inside out over your dress pants.

You can’t leave the cat alone for too long because he gets caught on things. Sigh. Yet another birth defect has rendered him unable to control his claw retraction. Cat walks on the floor and the claws pick things up. Cat keeps walking and before you know it he’s dragging some stockings, a washcloth, dust bunnies, and some yarn behind him. One then must pick up cat and pluck the claws out of said items without getting snagged yourself. Never ever allow cat to jump off of your lap without assistance or your pants just might leave as well.

So that’s my lousy cat. Who wants the job?

A whole host of shows are headed our way, don’t miss these if you’re into the same genres of music as me. This promises to be the highlight by far though.

Suffocation / Cryptopsy / Cephalic Carnage / Aborted / With Passion at the Commodore Ballroom
Oct. 18, 2005, Tickets are $37

Another great show should be

Vader / Decapitated / Dew-Scented at Richard’s On Richards
Nov. 16, 2005, Tickets are $28

Tickets are available at Scrape Records, so you have no excuse this time.

Two more things that contribute to the inferno:

1. People who say “I was, like…..like……like”. Now I don’t mean people for whom English is a second language or people just learning it, but others who should have a proficient grasp of at least one language. I mean, if you are only going to speak one language, at least do it well. Whenever someone starts a sentence with “I was like….”, know that what they mean is “I was like a retard and I still am”….

2. Anything that gets in between me and sleep. I could cheerfully gas anyone who calls on the phone and wakes me up to chat about some banal matter. For that matter, anything that prevents me from getting a good night’s rest is instantly vilified. This wouldn’t normally bother me so much, but of late my “allergies” have been acting up, even though the doctor seesaws between deciding whether I have allergies or not. Until then, I’m blaming the mould in the house.

Sent to me today:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,”says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse.
“But why,”they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said,
“I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
“They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him….
“A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis”!

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different
puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the puns
would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

I have been accused of being too negative and/or finding fault with a lot of what goes on around me. I don’t claim to know everything but I do know that when confronted with untruths, one must speak up against them or unwittingly aid in their dissemination.

The following foul website is an excellent example of a growing trend of people with little to no scientific knowledge who presume to speak on behalf of science

Dr. Dino

It would be tolerable if this waste of sperm had his noxious views hidden from everyone, but to actually offer courses in this claptrap is too much. I pity the poor person who actually signs up for any of these courses from Dr Dino.

A friend of mine told me he heard Dr. Dino debate a geneticist in a recent podcast and the good Doctor got slayed. This is good news. Maybe there is a God after all.